I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
