It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
