Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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