when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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