I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
