We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
