you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize