wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
