If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
