nut hugger
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
