I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
