I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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