Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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