Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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