Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
