I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
