She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
