friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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