hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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