i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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