Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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