Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
