Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
