My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
