I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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