is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
