I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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