Sponge bath it is.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
