saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
