Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How does it feel to date your dad?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
