I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
