So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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