This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
