I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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