People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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