Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
