He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
