its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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