One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
