Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
