Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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