You work out of a Hotel?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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