ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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