Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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