she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
