Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
