I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
