It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
