I'm jealous of your bromance
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
