i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think my moral compass just broke
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
