I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
