bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
