YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
