the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
