HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
