The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
