I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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