Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
