I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
