i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
