He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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